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["Message ID","Message","Date","Platform","Published"]
[1,"\"640K ought to be enough for anybody.\" - Bill Gates, 1981","2010-06-25","GTalk Status ",true]
[2,"\"4MB is our mantra.\" - Steve Ballmer, 1994","2010-06-26","GTalk Status ",true]
[3,"DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS","2010-06-27","GTalk Status ",true]
[4,"Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS","2010-06-27","Google Buzz ",false]
[5,"Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!","2012-06-28","GTalk Status ",false]
[6,"Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...","2012-06-28","GTalk Status ",false]
[7,"Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.","2012-06-28","GTalk Status ",false]
[8,"Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~\"","2012-06-28","Twitter ",false]
[9,"Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)","2012-06-28","GTalk Status ",false]
[10,"Read my chips: No new upgrades!","2012-06-28","FaceBook ",false]
[11,"Hit any user to continue.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[12,"\"No, we don't write stable Operating Systems!\"-Bill Fences(MickySoft)","2012-06-28","GTalk Status ",false]
[13,"Future aircraft will be piloted by a man and a dog. The man is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the controls","2012-06-28","GTalk Status LinkedIn ",false]
[14,"Descartes finishes his drink and the barman says: \"Want another?\" Descartes says: \"I think not\" and vanishes.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[15,"How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[16,"How do dinosaurs pay their bills? With Tyrannosaurus checks.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[17,"What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[18,"What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? Tyrannosaurus Tex.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[19,"How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[20,"How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[21,"What lies shivering on the seabed? A nervous wreck.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[22,"How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz GTalk Status ",false]
[23,"How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter!","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[24,"How does a pig go to hospital? In a hambulance.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[25,"If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? Silverware.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[26,"What bird can lift the most? A crane.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[27,"What bone will a dog never eat? A trombone.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[28,"What can you hold without ever touching it? A conversation.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[29,"What clothes does a house wear? Address.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[30,"What country makes you shiver? Chile.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[31,"What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something!","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[32,"Which two sports have face-offs? Ice hockey and leper boxing","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[33,"What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[34,"What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[35,"What did Delaware? Her New Jersey.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[36,"What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? It's time to go to sweep.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[37,"What did the necktie say to the hat? You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[38,"What did the rug say to the floor? Don't move, I've got you covered.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[39,"What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[40,"What do you call a calf after it's six months old? Seven months old.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[41,"What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati? Dead.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[42,"What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[43,"What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A cartoon.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[44,"What do you call the best butter on the farm? A goat.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[45,"What do you do when your chair breaks? Call a chairman.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[46,"What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A brick layer!","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[47,"What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[48,"What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit? Bugs Bunny.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[49,"What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Wet feet.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[50,"What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[51,"What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[52,"What has 6 eyes but can't see? 3 blind mice.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[53,"What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors? A piano.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[54,"What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[55,"What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[56,"What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed? Sleep somewhere else.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz ",false]
[57,"What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats.","2012-06-28","FaceBook ",false]
[58,"What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay? Deviled eggs.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[59,"What kind of ties can't you wear? Railroad ties.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[60,"What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[61,"What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car? A red carnation.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[62,"What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car? A pink car-nation.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[63,"What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars? An in-car-nation.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[64,"What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.? The Presidential Seal.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[65,"What's green and loud? A froghorn.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[66,"What's round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[67,"Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon? He took them to a pignic.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[68,"Where do fortune tellers dance? At the crystal ball.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[69,"Why did the doughnut shop close? The owner got tired of the hole business!","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[70,"Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose? His powder puff is on the wrong end.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[71,"Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[72,"Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[73,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[74,"If you can still hear the music, it's not loud enough!","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[75,"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[76,"\"I do like to see the arms and legs fly\" Col. George S Patton","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[77,"The chickens have come to roast","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[78,"\"Wagner's music is better than it sounds\" - Mark Twain","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[79,"If your parents didn't have any kids, there's a good chance you won't.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[80,"\"To have no wants is divine\" Socrates","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[81,"An atheists worst moment is being truly grateful with no one to thank","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[82,"Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankensteinian logic.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[83,"College professor - someone who talks in other peoples sleep","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[84,"The best argument is that which seems merely an explanation","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[85,"A self-made man? Yes - and worships his creator.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[86,"Why is it that everyone has to be different these days?","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[87,"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it is written on.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[88,"\"They defend their errors as if they were defending their inheritance\"","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[89,"Forecast for tonight: Dark","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[90,"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[91,"Some things have to be believed to be seen","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[92,"God must love the common people, he made so many of them.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[93,"Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[94,"Parachutes are like minds. Only work when open.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[95,"AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[96,"\"Life's a bitch, and then you murder one\" ex basket-ball player","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[97,"Overpopulation : When people take leave of their census","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[98,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[99,"Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[100,"Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[101,"Dead people are cool","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[102,"Television: the bland leading the bland","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[103,"Old musicians never die. They just decompose","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[104,"4SALE: 1 Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[105,"\"My name is Dr. Hildegarde Landstrom, and I am quite, quite mad.\"","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[106,"Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[107,"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[108,"The anger of the meek and humble is named wrath","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[109,"We all make mistakes... said the Dalek climbing off the dustbin.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[110,"Don't use a big word where a diminutive example is adequate.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[111,"Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[112,"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[113,"If you don't like the way women drive....get off the sidewalks","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[114,"\"It is unbelievable what unbelievable things an unbeliever will believe in order to be an unbeliever.\"","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[115,"Anybody can be Pope; the proof is that I have become one. John XXIII","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[116,"BIGAMIST: A heavy fog in Italy.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[117,"All right. Who set the phasers to deep fat fry?","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[118,"9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[119,"Politics - Poli = Many , Tics = Blood sucking parasites","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[120,"\"I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?\" -- Groucho","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[121,"Hey! Look at our Al. He's the only boy walking in step!","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[122,"I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[123,"Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[124,"Very few people can afford to be poor.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[125,"We are the people our parents warned us about.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[126,"You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[127,"If God wanted us to go METRIC Jesus would've had 10 disciples not 12.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[128,"In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[129,"98% of all constipated people don't give a crap","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[130,"Attention animal lovers, what you are doing is illegal....","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[131,"Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[132,"100% of all smokers die. So do 100% of all non-smokers.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[133,"The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[134,"To every rule there is an exception. Except this rule. Er...","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[135,"... Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[136,"If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[137,"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[138,"\"Trust me, I haven't done this before and it didn't work then either\"","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[139,"Don't beam me up yet Scotty....I'm having a Sh..i..i....i","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[140,null,"2012-06-28","Facebook ",false]
[141,"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you!","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[142,"The Truth Is The Only Law","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[143,"A clear conscience is usually the result of a bad memory.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[144,"... And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and Women Drivers","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[145,"This [send money] is a [send money] subliminal [send money] message.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[146,"SOUND ADVICE: 90% sound, 10% advice","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[147,"Wine is sunlight, held together by water","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[148,"Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[149,"Only lemmings should jump to conclusions.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[150,"Today's rebel is tomorrow's tyrant.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[151,"It's easier to denature plutonium than the evil spirit of man. Einstein","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[152,"Idealism increases in proportion to the distance from the problem.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[153,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[154,"Millihelen: Amount of beauty required to launch one ship.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[155,"9 out of 10 cats prefer mice.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[156,"Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is the other way round","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[157,"A smart man covers his butt, a wise man leaves his pants on.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[158,"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[159,"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[160,"My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says \"Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!\"","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[161,"My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[162,"A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman \"Can I park here?\" \"No\" says the cop. \"What about all these other cars?\" \"They didn't ask!\"","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[163,"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[164,"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[165,"I asked a Jewish man \"Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?\" He said \"Yes\", and walked away.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[166,"A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, \"Are you comfortable?\" The man says, \"I make a good living.\"","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[167,"The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[168,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[169,"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[170,null,"2012-06-28","Facebook ",false]
[171,null,"2012-06-28","Google Buzz ",false]
[172,"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, \"Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.\" She said, \"We can't do that!\" I told her, \"You did it last week!\"","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[173,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[174,"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[175,"The Doctor says \"You'll live to be 60!\" \"I AM 60!\" \"See, what did I tell you?\"","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[176,"\"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.\" \"Don't answer!\"","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[177,"I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[178,"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[179,"I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[180,"My brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[181,"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[182,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[183,"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[184,"Why is \"abbreviation\" such a long word?","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[185,"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[186,"Every morning is the dawn of a new error...","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[187,null,"2012-06-28",null,false]
[188,"For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[189,"I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[190,"The beatings will continue until morale improves.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[191,"I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[192,"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[193,"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[194,"There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[195,"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[196,"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[197,"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[198,"I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[199,"Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[200,"If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[201,"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[202,"Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[203,"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[204,"If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[205,"If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[206,"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[207,"It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[208,"Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[209,"Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[210,"Budget: A method for going broke methodically.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[211,"Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[212,"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[213,"Do witches run spell checkers?","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[214,"Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[215,"Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[216,"Dain bramaged.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[217,"Department of Redundancy Department","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[218,"Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[219,"What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[220,"Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[221,"COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[222,"Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[223,"2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[224,"Computers make very fast, very precise mistakes.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[225,"Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[226,"Don't anthropomorphise computers. They hate it.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[227,"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[228,"C:\\WINDOWS C:\\WINDOWS\\GO C:\\PC\\CRAWL","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[229,"C:\\DOS C:\\DOS\\RUN RUN\\DOS\\RUN","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[230,"Best file compression around: \"DEL *.*\" = 100% compression","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[231,"The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[232,"BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[233,"The name is Baud......, James Baud.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[234,"BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[235,"Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[236,"C:\\< Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[237,"Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[238,"Why doesn't DOS ever say \"EXCELLENT command or filename!\"","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[239,"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[240,"Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[241,"Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[242,"When I grow up I want to be a web page.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[243,"E Pluribus Modem","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[244,"File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[245,"A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[246,"An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[247,"CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[248,"Does fuzzy logic tickle?","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[249,"A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[250,"11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Itanium.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[251,null,"2012-06-28","Google Buzz ",false]
[252,"Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[253,"Windows: Just another pane in the glass.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[254,"SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[255,"Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[256,null,"2012-06-28","Google Buzz ",false]
[257,"RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[258,"Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[259,"All computers wait at the same speed.","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[260,"DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[261,"Press -- to continue ...","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[262,"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[263,"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[264,"ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[265,"E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[266,"Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[267,"All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[268,"Intel inside. Idiot outside.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[269,"Even parity's odd","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[270,"Keyboard error. Press F1 to continue.","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[271,"\"640K ought to be enough for anybody.\" - Bill Gates, 1981","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[272,"\"4MB is our mantra.\" - Steve Ballmer, 1994","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[273,"DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[274,"Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[275,"Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[276,"Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[277,"Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[278,"Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~\"","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[279,"Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[280,"Read my chips: No new upgrades!","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[281,"Hit any user to continue.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[282,"\"No, we don't write stable Operating Systems!\"-Bill Fences(MickySoft)","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[283,"2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[284,"I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[285,"Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?","2012-06-28","Facebook",false]
[286,"Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[287,"Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[288,"Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[289,"(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?","2012-06-28","Twitter",false]
[290,null,"2012-06-28","Facebook ",false]
[291,"If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.","2012-06-28","Google Buzz",false]
[292,"Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.","2012-06-28","Gtalk Status",false]
[293,"Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.","2012-06-28","LinkedIn",false]
[296,"Support MBATS: https://byu.qualtrics.com/WRQualtricsSurveyEngine/?Q_SS=8vT6IJTjZ3SnNgE_5BjwOTUKmaTXZcw&_=1","2011-03-30T08:38:57","Twitter Facebook Google Buzz LinkedIn ",true]
[null,"Let us never negotiate out of fear.  But let us never fear to negotiate.--John F. Kennedy"]
[null,"It is better to lose the saddle than the horse.--Italian Proverb"]
[null,"In negotiation, he who cares less, wins.--Anonymous"]
[null,"If you're planning on doing business with someone again, don't be too tough in the negotiations.  If you're going to skin a cat don't keep it as a housecat.--Marvin Levin"]
[null,"Don't wrestle with pigs; you get dirty and they enjoy it.--Anonymous"]
[null,"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.--Eric Hoffer"]
[null,"No amount of sophistication is going to allay the fact that all your knowledge is about the past and all your decisions are about the future.--Ian Wilson"]
[null,"When you come to a fork in the road, take it.--Yogi Berra"]
[null,"Not to decide is to decide.--Harvey Cox"]
[null,"I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.--Calvin Coolidge"]
[null,"Anger is just one letter short of danger.--Anonymous"]
[null,"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.--William James"]
[null,"A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason.--J. P. Morgan"]
[null,"Many things are lost for want of asking.--English Proverb"]
[null,"I praise loudly, I blame softly.--Catherine II"]
[null,"All men can see these tactics whereby I conquer, but what none can see is the strategy out of which victory is evolved.--Sun-tzu"]
[null,"The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital.--Joe Paterno"]
[null,"I have found that being honest is the best technique I can use.  Right up front, tell people what you're trying to accomplish and what you're willing to sacrifice to accomplish it.--Lee Iacocca"]
[null,"You shouldn't take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.--C. K. Chesterton"]
[null,"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.--Joseph Kozol"]
[null,"Plans are nothing; planning is everything.--Dwight D. Eisenhower"]
[null,"Tell not all you know, believe not all you hear, do not all you are able.--Italian Proverb"]
[null,"Imagination is more important than knowledge.--Albert Einstein"]
[null,"If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.--Anonymous"]
[null,"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.--Alexander Hamilton"]
[null,"Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose.--Anonymous"]
[null,"There are many things that we would throw away, if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.--Oscar Wilde"]
[null,"It is a luxury to be understood.--Emerson"]
[null,"With someone who holds nothing but trumps, it is impossible to play cards.--Hebbel"]
[null,"Truth is the safest lie.--Yiddish Proverb"]
[null,"Calumnies are answered best with silence.--Jonson"]
[null,"A few conquer by fighting, but it is well to remember that more battles are won by submitting.--Hubbard"]
[null,"Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper.--Dr. Fuller"]
[null,"Power is not revealed by striking hard or often, but by striking true.--Balzac"]
[null,"Success generally depends upon knowing how long it takes to succeed.--Montesquieu"]
[null,"He that leaves nothing to chance will do few things ill, but he will do very few things.--Halifax"]
[null,"It requires as much caution to tell the truth as to conceal it.--Gracian"]
[334,null,"2011-04-11",null,false]
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{"sheet":"backup data","index":1,"n_rows":295,"n_cols":4,"rows_kept":295,"cut":false,"hidden":false,"merged":[]}
[]
["Message ID","Message","Date","Platform"]
[1,"Happy Birthday, Charity!","2012-06-25","Twitter, Google Buzz, Gtalk Status"]
[2,"Happy Birthday, James!","2012-06-26","Twitter, Google Buzz, Gtalk Status"]
[3,"Happy Birthday, Isaac!","2012-06-27","Twitter, Google Buzz, Gtalk Status"]
[4,"I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.","2012-06-28","Twitter, Google Buzz, Gtalk Status"]
[5,"Ultimate chat-up line: Does this handkerchief smell of chloroform?\"","2011-01-02","Google Buzz "]
[6,"Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?","2011-01-03","Twitter Google Buzz "]
[7,"I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'","2011-01-04","Gtalk Status"]
[8,"I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending.","2011-01-05","Twitter "]
[9,"To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!","2011-01-07","GTalk Status "]
[10,"A spa hotel is like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble.","2011-01-07","FaceBook "]
[11,"I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them.","2011-01-08","Google Buzz"]
[12,"There are only 10 kinds of people that understand binary - those that do, and those that don't.","2011-01-09","GTalk Status "]
[13,"Future aircraft will be piloted by a man and a dog. The man is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the controls","2011-01-10","GTalk Status LinkedIn "]
[14,"Descartes finishes his drink and the barman says: \"Want another?\" Descartes says: \"I think not\" and vanishes.","2011-01-11","Twitter"]
[15,"How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.","2011-01-12","Facebook"]
[16,"How do dinosaurs pay their bills? With Tyrannosaurus checks.","2011-01-13","Google Buzz"]
[17,"What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.","2011-01-14","Gtalk Status"]
[18,"What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? Tyrannosaurus Tex.","2011-01-15","LinkedIn"]
[19,"How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.","2011-01-16","Twitter"]
[20,"How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair.","2011-01-17","Facebook"]
[21,"What lies shivering on the seabed? A nervous wreck.","2011-01-18","Google Buzz"]
[22,"How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk.","2011-01-19","Google Buzz GTalk Status "]
[23,"How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter!","2011-01-20","LinkedIn"]
[24,"How does a pig go to hospital? In a hambulance.","2011-01-21","Twitter"]
[25,"If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? Silverware.","2011-01-22","Facebook"]
[26,"What bird can lift the most? A crane.","2011-01-23","Google Buzz"]
[27,"What bone will a dog never eat? A trombone.","2011-01-24","Gtalk Status"]
[28,"What can you hold without ever touching it? A conversation.","2011-01-25","LinkedIn"]
[29,"What clothes does a house wear? Address.","2011-01-26","Twitter"]
[30,"What country makes you shiver? Chile.","2011-01-27","Facebook"]
[31,"What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something!","2011-01-28","Google Buzz"]
[32,"Which two sports have face-offs? Ice hockey and leper boxing","2011-01-29","Gtalk Status"]
[33,"What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.","2011-01-30","LinkedIn"]
[34,"What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.","2011-01-31","Twitter"]
[35,"What did Delaware? Her New Jersey.","2011-02-01","Facebook"]
[36,"What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? It's time to go to sweep.","2011-02-02","Google Buzz"]
[37,"What did the necktie say to the hat? You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.","2011-02-03","Gtalk Status"]
[38,"What did the rug say to the floor? Don't move, I've got you covered.","2011-02-04","LinkedIn"]
[39,"What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.","2011-02-05","Twitter"]
[40,"What do you call a calf after it's six months old? Seven months old.","2011-02-06","Facebook"]
[41,"What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati? Dead.","2011-02-07","Google Buzz"]
[42,"What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.","2011-02-08","Gtalk Status"]
[43,"What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A cartoon.","2011-02-09","LinkedIn"]
[44,"What do you call the best butter on the farm? A goat.","2011-02-10","Twitter"]
[45,"What do you do when your chair breaks? Call a chairman.","2011-02-11","Facebook"]
[46,"What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A brick layer!","2011-02-12","Google Buzz"]
[47,"What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!","2011-02-13","Gtalk Status"]
[48,"What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit? Bugs Bunny.","2011-02-14","LinkedIn"]
[49,"What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Wet feet.","2011-02-15","Twitter"]
[50,"What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.","2011-02-16","Facebook"]
[51,"What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.","2011-02-17","Google Buzz"]
[52,"What has 6 eyes but can't see? 3 blind mice.","2011-02-18","Gtalk Status"]
[53,"What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors? A piano.","2011-02-19","LinkedIn"]
[54,"What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.","2011-02-20","Twitter"]
[55,"What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer.","2011-02-21","Facebook"]
[56,"What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed? Sleep somewhere else.","2011-02-22","Google Buzz "]
[57,"What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats.","2012-02-23","FaceBook "]
[58,"What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay? Deviled eggs.","2011-02-24","LinkedIn"]
[59,"What kind of ties can't you wear? Railroad ties.","2011-02-25","Twitter"]
[60,"What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.","2011-02-26","Facebook"]
[61,"What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car? A red carnation.","2011-02-27","Google Buzz"]
[62,"What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car? A pink car-nation.","2011-02-28","Gtalk Status"]
[63,"What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars? An in-car-nation.","2011-03-01","LinkedIn"]
[64,"What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.? The Presidential Seal.","2011-03-02","Twitter"]
[65,"What's green and loud? A froghorn.","2011-03-03","Facebook"]
[66,"What's round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle.","2011-03-04","Google Buzz"]
[67,"Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon? He took them to a pignic.","2011-03-05","Gtalk Status"]
[68,"Where do fortune tellers dance? At the crystal ball.","2011-03-06","LinkedIn"]
[69,"Why did the doughnut shop close? The owner got tired of the hole business!","2011-03-07","Twitter"]
[70,"Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose? His powder puff is on the wrong end.","2011-03-08","Facebook"]
[71,"Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.","2011-03-09","Google Buzz"]
[72,"Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils.","2011-03-10","Gtalk Status"]
[73,"A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.","2011-03-11","LinkedIn"]
[74,"If you can still hear the music, it's not loud enough!","2011-03-12","Twitter"]
[75,"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle","2011-03-13","Facebook"]
[76,"\"I do like to see the arms and legs fly\" Col. George S Patton","2011-03-14","Google Buzz"]
[77,"The chickens have come to roast","2011-03-15","Gtalk Status"]
[78,"\"Wagner's music is better than it sounds\" - Mark Twain","2011-03-16","LinkedIn"]
[79,"If your parents didn't have any kids, there's a good chance you won't.","2011-03-17","Twitter"]
[80,"\"To have no wants is divine\" Socrates","2011-03-18","Facebook"]
[81,"An atheists worst moment is being truly grateful with no one to thank","2011-03-19","Google Buzz"]
[82,"Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankensteinian logic.","2011-03-20","Gtalk Status"]
[83,"College professor - someone who talks in other peoples sleep","2011-03-21","LinkedIn"]
[84,"The best argument is that which seems merely an explanation","2011-03-22","Twitter"]
[85,"A self-made man? Yes - and worships his creator.","2011-03-23","Facebook"]
[86,"Why is it that everyone has to be different these days?","2011-03-24","Google Buzz"]
[87,"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it is written on.","2011-03-25","Gtalk Status"]
[88,"\"They defend their errors as if they were defending their inheritance\"","2011-03-26","LinkedIn"]
[89,"Forecast for tonight: Dark","2011-03-27","Twitter"]
[90,"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much","2011-03-28","Facebook"]
[91,"Some things have to be believed to be seen","2011-03-29","Google Buzz"]
[92,"God must love the common people, he made so many of them.","2011-03-30","Gtalk Status"]
[93,"Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.","2011-03-31","LinkedIn"]
[94,"Parachutes are like minds. Only work when open.","2011-04-01","Twitter"]
[95,"AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.","2011-04-02","Facebook"]
[96,"\"Life's a bitch, and then you murder one\" ex basket-ball player","2011-04-03","Google Buzz"]
[97,"Overpopulation : When people take leave of their census","2011-04-04","Gtalk Status"]
[98,"Life: a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate.","2011-04-05","LinkedIn"]
[99,"Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.","2011-04-06","Twitter"]
[100,"Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it.","2011-04-07","Facebook"]
[101,"Dead people are cool","2011-04-08","Google Buzz"]
[102,"Television: the bland leading the bland","2011-04-09","Gtalk Status"]
[103,"Old musicians never die. They just decompose","2011-04-10","LinkedIn"]
[104,"4SALE: 1 Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.","2011-04-11","Twitter"]
[105,"\"My name is Dr. Hildegarde Landstrom, and I am quite, quite mad.\"","2011-04-12","Facebook"]
[106,"Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.","2011-04-13","Google Buzz"]
[107,"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.","2011-04-14","Gtalk Status"]
[108,"The anger of the meek and humble is named wrath","2011-04-15","LinkedIn"]
[109,"We all make mistakes... said the Dalek climbing off the dustbin.","2011-04-16","Twitter"]
[110,"Don't use a big word where a diminutive example is adequate.","2011-04-17","Facebook"]
[111,"Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.","2011-04-18","Google Buzz"]
[112,"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.","2011-04-19","Gtalk Status"]
[113,"If you don't like the way women drive....get off the sidewalks","2011-04-20","LinkedIn"]
[114,"\"It is unbelievable what unbelievable things an unbeliever will believe in order to be an unbeliever.\"","2011-04-21","Twitter"]
[115,"Anybody can be Pope; the proof is that I have become one. John XXIII","2011-04-22","Facebook"]
[116,"BIGAMIST: A heavy fog in Italy.","2011-04-23","Google Buzz"]
[117,"All right. Who set the phasers to deep fat fry?","2011-04-24","Gtalk Status"]
[118,"9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women.","2011-04-25","LinkedIn"]
[119,"Politics - Poli = Many , Tics = Blood sucking parasites","2011-04-26","Twitter"]
[120,"\"I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?\" -- Groucho","2011-04-27","Facebook"]
[121,"Hey! Look at our Al. He's the only boy walking in step!","2011-04-28","Google Buzz"]
[122,"I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.","2011-04-29","Gtalk Status"]
[123,"Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.","2011-04-30","LinkedIn"]
[124,"Very few people can afford to be poor.","2011-05-01","Twitter"]
[125,"We are the people our parents warned us about.","2011-05-02","Facebook"]
[126,"You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.","2011-05-03","Google Buzz"]
[127,"If God wanted us to go METRIC Jesus would've had 10 disciples not 12.","2011-05-04","Gtalk Status"]
[128,"In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.","2011-05-05","LinkedIn"]
[129,"98% of all constipated people don't give a crap","2011-05-06","Twitter"]
[130,"Attention animal lovers, what you are doing is illegal....","2011-05-07","Facebook"]
[131,"Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.","2011-05-08","Google Buzz"]
[132,"100% of all smokers die. So do 100% of all non-smokers.","2011-05-09","Gtalk Status"]
[133,"The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.","2011-05-10","LinkedIn"]
[134,"To every rule there is an exception. Except this rule. Er...","2011-05-11","Twitter"]
[135,"... Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.","2011-05-12","Facebook"]
[136,"If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours","2011-05-13","Google Buzz"]
[137,"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves","2011-05-14","Gtalk Status"]
[138,"\"Trust me, I haven't done this before and it didn't work then either\"","2011-05-15","LinkedIn"]
[139,"Don't beam me up yet Scotty....I'm having a Sh..i..i....i","2011-05-16","Twitter"]
[140,"Maths and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive.","2011-05-17","Facebook"]
[141,"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you!","2011-05-18","Google Buzz"]
[142,"The Truth Is The Only Law","2011-05-19","Gtalk Status"]
[143,"A clear conscience is usually the result of a bad memory.","2011-05-20","LinkedIn"]
[144,"... And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and Women Drivers","2011-05-21","Twitter"]
[145,"This [send money] is a [send money] subliminal [send money] message.","2011-05-22","Facebook"]
[146,"SOUND ADVICE: 90% sound, 10% advice","2011-05-23","Google Buzz"]
[147,"Wine is sunlight, held together by water","2011-05-24","Gtalk Status"]
[148,"Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.","2011-05-25","LinkedIn"]
[149,"Only lemmings should jump to conclusions.","2011-05-26","Twitter"]
[150,"Today's rebel is tomorrow's tyrant.","2011-05-27","Facebook"]
[151,"It's easier to denature plutonium than the evil spirit of man. Einstein","2011-05-28","Google Buzz"]
[152,"Idealism increases in proportion to the distance from the problem.","2011-05-29","Gtalk Status"]
[153,"High heels were invented by a woman who was kissed on the forehead.","2011-05-30","LinkedIn"]
[154,"Millihelen: Amount of beauty required to launch one ship.","2011-05-31","Twitter"]
[155,"9 out of 10 cats prefer mice.","2011-06-01","Facebook"]
[156,"Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is the other way round","2011-06-02","Google Buzz"]
[157,"A smart man covers his butt, a wise man leaves his pants on.","2011-06-03","Gtalk Status"]
[158,"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.","2011-06-04","LinkedIn"]
[159,"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.","2011-06-05","Twitter"]
[160,"My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says \"Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!\"","2011-06-06","Facebook"]
[161,"My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.","2011-06-07","Google Buzz"]
[162,"A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman \"Can I park here?\" \"No\" says the cop. \"What about all these other cars?\" \"They didn't ask!\"","2011-06-08","Gtalk Status"]
[163,"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.","2011-06-09","LinkedIn"]
[164,"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.","2011-06-10","Twitter"]
[165,"I asked a Jewish man \"Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?\" He said \"Yes\", and walked away.","2011-06-11","Facebook"]
[166,"A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, \"Are you comfortable?\" The man says, \"I make a good living.\"","2011-06-12","Google Buzz"]
[167,"The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.","2011-06-13","Gtalk Status"]
[168,"There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.","2011-06-14","LinkedIn"]
[169,"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.","2011-06-15","Twitter"]
[170,"A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says \"You've been brought here for drinking.\" The drunk says \"Okay, let's get started.\"","2011-06-16","Facebook"]
[171,"Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says \"Huh. I lost 100 pounds!\"","2011-06-17","Google Buzz"]
[172,"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, \"Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.\" She said, \"We can't do that!\" I told her, \"You did it last week!\"","2011-06-18","Gtalk Status"]
[173,"I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.","2011-06-19","LinkedIn"]
[174,"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.","2011-06-20","Twitter"]
[175,"The Doctor says \"You'll live to be 60!\" \"I AM 60!\" \"See, what did I tell you?\"","2011-06-21","Facebook"]
[176,"\"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.\" \"Don't answer!\"","2011-06-22","Google Buzz"]
[177,"I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.","2011-06-23","Gtalk Status"]
[178,"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!","2011-06-24","LinkedIn"]
[179,"I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.","2011-06-25","Twitter"]
[180,"My brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.","2011-06-26","Facebook"]
[181,"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.","2011-06-27","Google Buzz"]
[182,"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...","2011-06-28","Gtalk Status"]
[183,"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.","2011-06-29","LinkedIn"]
[184,"Why is \"abbreviation\" such a long word?","2011-06-30","Twitter"]
[185,"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.","2011-07-01","Facebook"]
[186,"Every morning is the dawn of a new error...","2011-07-02","Google Buzz"]
[187,"A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.","2011-07-03","Gtalk Status"]
[188,"For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.","2011-07-04","LinkedIn"]
[189,"I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...","2011-07-05","Twitter"]
[190,"The beatings will continue until morale improves.","2011-07-06","Facebook"]
[191,"I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.","2011-07-07","Google Buzz"]
[192,"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.","2011-07-08","Gtalk Status"]
[193,"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.","2011-07-09","LinkedIn"]
[194,"There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.","2011-07-10","Twitter"]
[195,"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.","2011-07-11","Facebook"]
[196,"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?","2011-07-12","Google Buzz"]
[197,"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.","2011-07-13","Gtalk Status"]
[198,"I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.","2011-07-14","LinkedIn"]
[199,"Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.","2011-07-15","Twitter"]
[200,"If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!","2011-07-16","Facebook"]
[201,"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.","2011-07-17","Google Buzz"]
[202,"Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.","2011-07-18","Gtalk Status"]
[203,"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?","2011-07-19","LinkedIn"]
[204,"If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.","2011-07-20","Twitter"]
[205,"If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.","2011-07-21","Facebook"]
[206,"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.","2011-07-22","Google Buzz"]
[207,"It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.","2011-07-23","Gtalk Status"]
[208,"Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.","2011-07-24","LinkedIn"]
[209,"Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.","2011-07-25","Twitter"]
[210,"Budget: A method for going broke methodically.","2011-07-26","Facebook"]
[211,"Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.","2011-07-27","Google Buzz"]
[212,"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.","2011-07-28","Gtalk Status"]
[213,"Do witches run spell checkers?","2011-07-29","LinkedIn"]
[214,"Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.","2011-07-30","Twitter"]
[215,"Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.","2011-07-31","Facebook"]
[216,"Dain bramaged.","2011-08-01","Google Buzz"]
[217,"Department of Redundancy Department","2011-08-02","Gtalk Status"]
[218,"Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!","2011-08-03","LinkedIn"]
[219,"What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.","2011-08-04","Twitter"]
[220,"Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.","2011-08-05","Facebook"]
[221,"COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key","2011-08-06","Google Buzz"]
[222,"Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.","2011-08-07","Gtalk Status"]
[223,"2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.","2011-08-08","LinkedIn"]
[224,"Computers make very fast, very precise mistakes.","2011-08-09","Twitter"]
[225,"Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.","2011-08-10","Facebook"]
[226,"Don't anthropomorphise computers. They hate it.","2011-08-11","Google Buzz"]
[227,"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.","2011-08-12","Gtalk Status"]
[228,"C:\\WINDOWS C:\\WINDOWS\\GO C:\\PC\\CRAWL","2011-08-13","LinkedIn"]
[229,"C:\\DOS C:\\DOS\\RUN RUN\\DOS\\RUN","2011-08-14","Twitter"]
[230,"Best file compression around: \"DEL *.*\" = 100% compression","2011-08-15","Facebook"]
[231,"The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.","2011-08-16","Google Buzz"]
[232,"BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding","2011-08-17","Gtalk Status"]
[233,"The name is Baud......, James Baud.","2011-08-18","LinkedIn"]
[234,"BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!","2011-08-19","Twitter"]
[235,"Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!","2011-08-20","Facebook"]
[236,"C:\\< Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.","2011-08-21","Google Buzz"]
[237,"Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..","2011-08-22","Gtalk Status"]
[238,"Why doesn't DOS ever say \"EXCELLENT command or filename!\"","2011-08-23","LinkedIn"]
[239,"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.","2011-08-24","Twitter"]
[240,"Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)","2011-08-25","Facebook"]
[241,"Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.","2011-08-26","Google Buzz"]
[242,"When I grow up I want to be a web page.","2011-08-27","Gtalk Status"]
[243,"E Pluribus Modem","2011-08-28","LinkedIn"]
[244,"File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)","2011-08-29","Twitter"]
[245,"A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.","2011-08-30","Facebook"]
[246,"An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.","2011-08-31","Google Buzz"]
[247,"CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?","2011-09-01","Gtalk Status"]
[248,"Does fuzzy logic tickle?","2011-09-02","LinkedIn"]
[249,"A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.","2011-09-03","Twitter"]
[250,"11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Itanium.","2011-09-04","Facebook"]
[251,"24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?","2011-09-05","Google Buzz"]
[252,"Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.","2011-09-06","Gtalk Status"]
[253,"Windows: Just another pane in the glass.","2011-09-07","LinkedIn"]
[254,"SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .","2011-09-08","Twitter"]
[255,"Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?","2011-09-09","Facebook"]
[256,"Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.","2011-09-10","Google Buzz"]
[257,"RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.","2011-09-11","Gtalk Status"]
[258,"Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...","2011-09-12","LinkedIn"]
[259,"All computers wait at the same speed.","2011-09-13","Twitter"]
[260,"DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.","2011-09-14","Facebook"]
[261,"Press -- to continue ...","2011-09-15","Google Buzz"]
[262,"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....","2011-09-16","Gtalk Status"]
[263,"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...","2011-09-17","LinkedIn"]
[264,"ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!","2011-09-18","Twitter"]
[265,"E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.","2011-09-19","Facebook"]
[266,"Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!","2011-09-20","Google Buzz"]
[267,"All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?","2011-09-21","Gtalk Status"]
[268,"Intel inside. Idiot outside.","2011-09-22","LinkedIn"]
[269,"Even parity's odd","2011-09-23","Twitter"]
[270,"Keyboard error. Press F1 to continue.","2011-09-24","Facebook"]
[271,"\"640K ought to be enough for anybody.\" - Bill Gates, 1981","2011-09-25","Google Buzz"]
[272,"\"4MB is our mantra.\" - Steve Ballmer, 1994","2011-09-26","Gtalk Status"]
[273,"DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS","2011-09-27","LinkedIn"]
[274,"Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS","2011-09-28","Twitter"]
[275,"Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!","2011-09-29","Facebook"]
[276,"Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...","2011-09-30","Google Buzz"]
[277,"Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.","2011-10-01","Gtalk Status"]
[278,"Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~\"","2011-10-02","LinkedIn"]
[279,"Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)","2011-10-03","Twitter"]
[280,"Read my chips: No new upgrades!","2011-10-04","Facebook"]
[281,"Hit any user to continue.","2011-10-05","Google Buzz"]
[282,"\"No, we don't write stable Operating Systems!\"-Bill Fences(MickySoft)","2011-10-06","Gtalk Status"]
[283,"2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!","2011-10-07","LinkedIn"]
[284,"I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!","2011-10-08","Twitter"]
[285,"Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?","2011-10-09","Facebook"]
[286,"Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.","2011-10-10","Google Buzz"]
[287,"Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup","2011-10-11","Gtalk Status"]
[288,"Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic","2011-10-12","LinkedIn"]
[289,"(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?","2011-10-13","Twitter"]
[290,"(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?","2011-10-14","Facebook"]
[291,"If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.","2011-10-15","Google Buzz"]
[292,"Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.","2011-10-16","Gtalk Status"]
[293,"Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.","2011-10-17","LinkedIn"]